How Will I Know?

Yes, I am giving a shout out to Whitney. She was asking a legitimate question: how will I know?

Last year I met a guy who seemed very cool. We liked each other a lot and even though we lived far apart we made it work. Things were going well it seemed. I was meeting a lot of his friends and getting pretty close to them, which felt good. But oddly it was not being reciprocated. We spent most of our time together at his place. It was nice and had great views of the SF Bay from the living room. He had a great dog that I miss dearly, but unfortunately I live in a place that has a no pets policy. Because of this I was always visiting him. I now know that he didn't want to come to where I live and used his dog as an excuse regularly. He was in full gear during our time together; counting the weeks and months that we had been together. I'm not that kind of girl, but I let him do his thing. We spent a great holiday season together and afterwards he decided that he wanted to go on a trip with me. I agreed and hoped that it would be fiscally responsible. I wanted Mexico and he wanted Maui. There went my hope for being financially responsible. So at around six and a half months we met each other's families. I loved his family and they reciprocated. We had great conversations about work, reading, our interests- Matt just kind of sat there. Then moved to the couch to watch sports. That was all he ever did. Sit on the couch and watch sports. All kinds. No breaks. Oh and drink beer.

We headed off to Maui during my spring break. Things seemed good through the flight and getting the rental car. We were on our way to the hotel so we stopped at the store to pick up some food and drinks. At the store (day 1) he started getting sassy with me about what I wanted to get. Really I can't pick out what I like? It had to be what he wanted. I responded by holding my position firm, what the heck was going on. Well as we moved further into the trip I began to feel that he didn't even like me anymore. He seemed distant and his attitude was making me not want to be around him. Not really what I wanted for my first vacation with a man. I definitely need a redo on this one. He didn't seem to want to be near me and went to the bar by himself multiple nights while I relaxed in the hotel room. We didn't have sex at all during the trip. Beforehand he took me shopping to buy me some clothes for the trip, which was nice except he didn't let me pick anything out for myself. I should have known that this person was extremely controlling.

Well when we returned to California it was an interesting experience. He had lost our rental car keys so we had to stay an extra day in Maui to figure out what to do. Luckily the grounds people at the resort found them and they were returned to us. This didn't solve the fact that we missed our plane. Our new tickets really altered our plans and I ended up getting home around 2 or 3 am of the day I had to begin teaching a new quarter. I headed to work exhausted. He headed to Chicago for work. On the plane flight back I realized something was not right when he asked me when I could pay him back for my portion of the trip. I was shocked. Did we need to talk about that now? I had paid for a lot of things so I told him that I would need to look at all of the costs before dolling out any money. After work I calculated out an amount that I thought was fair and deposited it in cash into his account immediately. Ladies this is where we should only use checks. Why you ask? Because you can put a stop payment on them and keep your money.

The next day while I'm in a meeting at my job I get a text from him that says he needs to talk to me about "us." After my meeting I see it and respond that I am very busy and am getting ready to teach a class that starts (literally the first day of the class for the quarter) in five minutes. Apparently that means "call me I'm available" because that's what he did. He decided that it was the perfect time to tell me that he didn't want to be with me anymore. I told him that I didn't have the time at that moment and asked if we could talk later. He said no. I asked him a few questions, but didn't have time to dig deep since I was at work. Ultimately I told him if breaking up was what he wanted then I would have to succumb to his wants. Too bad I deposited cash. I could've used that for a mean day at the spa. He tried to text me afterward, but I told him that if he wanted us to be over then he would need to leave me alone.

It took some time to move forward after that. My life was different and I had gotten used to new things so I had to adjust back. I remembered how I liked to do things that I wasn't able to do when I was with him. I ended my quarter and worked into summer, but bolted quickly to Costa Rica and Belize to spend some time in the part of the world I really enjoy. That would not have happened if I was with him- a trip like that is part of what defines me. I haven't thought about him for a long time now and then all of a sudden this morning one of our mutual friends tells me via instant messaging that he's engaged. At first I was shocked. Didn't know what to think. Then I got emotional. I haven't even dated anybody seriously since this relationship. I guess I've been traveling and working on myself and my career, so I've been busy with other things that are important to me.

Wow! I'm glad I'm not with that controlling asshole, I know I can do better, but it definitely brings shit up. I didn't really need to know this new information (and since I have de-friended her- she ruined my morning. Friends just shouldn't do that to you), but maybe this is my closure. It hasn't even been one year since we broke up. In fact last year at this time we were happily planning our vacation to Maui, probably just like they are happily planning their wedding. Hmmmm, I wonder how this year's version of the story pans out. From my experience it seems he jumps ship pretty quickly. Good swimmer too. He gets out of there fast!

Whitney I figured out how you know.

Another Friday night and I Ain't Got Nobody...

As I prepared for bed last night I began to wonder- how many other women are in a similar situation? It was Friday night and there I was alone turning down my bed at around 9:30. Normally I wouldn’t be going to bed so early on a Friday night (because I would be watching Dateline or 20/20, duh), but I had to get up early to participate in the graduation ceremony at the college where I teach. So earlier it was.

When I looked in the mirror as I was brushing my teeth, I once-overed myself and although I am no Hollywood Starlett, I like what I see. I would say that I’m moderately attractive. I’m no waif for sure, but at least when I go out with friends I know how to have a good time and how to enjoy good food (and conversation, or course). I believe I present myself well. I try to dress nicely and appropriately for situations and I do my beset to keep my hair well kept (I have a crazy mane that gets a little outta hand sometimes). Weren’t we taught as young girls that all of these things matter? I have a lot of friendships that I have continued to maintain and reacquaint myself with throughout my life- some dating all the way back to my toddler years. But despite all of these things that people tell me are so great, I sit home alone.

I know, I know there are many people sitting home alone at night, especially since these days we’re all broke. My wonder lies not with how many women (sorry dudes) are home alone, but more so with how many women are home wondering “why.” Well I know why I was on this particular night. My boyfriend broke up with me a few months back and that put a real damper on my social life since I was spending so much time with him. I’m adjusting back to my life and things are going well. Oh yeah, and I had to get up early the next day for work. Sometimes I wonder if that is part of the larger problem. The career, the ambition, the drive…are these positive attributes that women are pursuing more as society advances impeding on our mating?

In a few hours when I participate in the graduation ceremony I will be celebrating and honoring those who have set academic goals for themselves to better their lives. During the ceremony I will wear my appropriate dress of my cap, gown, and hood. Now I wouldn’t call this the best of my outfits, but when I tried it on the other day I felt pride like no other outfit (or accessory, even the Tiffany’s) makes me feel. It reminded me of the work that I have done to get where I am. It also reminded me of the great opportunity I have to encourage and applaud others who are working towards achieving their goals.

Last night while grading I came across a “Thank you” card from a young student that has been in a few of my classes. She is progressing in her education and will be starting at a university in the Fall. I opened the card and was overwhelmed by what it said. She said “Thank you so much for being an enthusiastic and creative teacher…you have opened me up to so many new things…(and) I look up to you and your worldviews.” I was awestruck. Never in my life up to this point did I think that I would be in a position where I would be able to influence and help people (especially young women) to advance themselves (and have so much fun doing it). I am such a lucky woman. I have to say that I got here by spending many Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights alone (most of the time working towards getting to this place).

It’s my guess that there are many others who are home alone on those nights as well are doing the same. When we ask “why” I’d like to believe it’s because we are a select group of people who are accomplishing our goals and moving towards our dreams. I’ve had time to spend in the other situation, having someone to spend those nights alongside. Although I now know that he wasn’t the right one, I’m glad that I have moved forward and liberated my time so that I can refocus it back onto myself. Because often when I was filling my time with the mindless things that he wanted to do I thought “why” am I wasting my time.

Wanted: Decent Man

I'm actually having a lot of trouble processing this one so I'm hoping that this helps. I don't even know where to start. Like most young women I have some body issues, which I think is pretty "normal" these days especially with all of the images of perfection that are constantly bombarding us. I take good care of myself by exercising and eating well, but I'm hardly a supermodel. Being that I'm only 5'3" we would have to be in another dimension for that to occur. I try not to let my insecurities get in the way of living life. I still wear a bikini and dress within reason and despite how I feel about myself I am frequently told that I am "hot" by men. I don't necessarily agree, but I'll admit that it's nice to hear.

Recently a guy that I met on that dating site expressed concern over meeting me because of his prior experiences. He said that many of the girls he has met from the site seem to only put their best pictures on there- typically from the chest up. He mentioned how in two of my photos I looked extremely different (one was the red dress photo that some of you have seen). "I don't know what to tell you," I said to him knowing that both picture are of me and that nothing substantial has happened that would alter my physical appearance. Oh I wish I would just drop 10 pounds without noticing, but that has yet to happen and I would surely know if I gained 10 pounds. I told him that sometimes my hair is curly and sometimes it's straight and oddly it makes a difference in how I look. I told him that I don't wear the red dress everywhere I go and that's a "special" look for when I'm going to an event. On a normal day I may look different because getting dressed up takes a lot of energy. I work really hard to be where I am and that itself is frustrating. Now I have this guy who thinks I need to justify my physical appearance because he's had bad experiences- awesome.

Whatever I'm a confident girl. I sent him a recent photograph that I had taken with my family. I don't have many since I'm not self-obsessed. It showed me from top to bottom. He asked for it and I can't believe that I sent it. It amazes me how many times these guys act like I'm on a fricken interview like they're the Holy Grail. Isn't it supposed to be the other way around? I am an educated, successful, fun, entertaining, and good looking (I reviewed the photos myself) woman....who the hell are you again? How about you tell me that.

The interesting thing is that since I sent the picture I have barely heard from him. Wow! Does that mean that he considers me unacceptable? Well after a nice lunch with a friend that included discussing the situation I realized something....that conversation with him took place late at night ending around midnight....and he had admitted to having a few drinks. When I finally processed it I realized that he probably thought that I would send him a "picture" of myself and by that I don't mean a picture that included my family, but possibly one that included the family jewels. Uhhhhhh...I can't believe that I was so naive. Here I am beating myself up over some lame guy's opinion and then it hits me-he was just trying to get his late night jollies off me. This dating thing is so frustrating; where are all the decent men these days?

I'm just being honest...

If you ever hear these words from somebody that you are on the brink of dating my advice to you is RUN! I believe that it is the douchebag way of relieving himself of the guilt he should feel for doing the things he inevitably does. Just because he says it doesn't mean it is acceptable- use some discretion for goodness sake. We don't need to divulge everything now do we? Especially in the world of dating.

This story begins with a guy named Brad. I met him on that well-known dating site that everybody seems to have tried at some time. I think I may have winked at him as I was surfing around in my spare time. I overlooked some things about him (his height for one-I believe he was 5'8" and I prefer over 6') but thought "hey" I'll give him a shot. I was pretty surprised when he responded with an email (I'm 5'3" so I maybe he thought I would think he was tall). Throughout that day we exchanged emails and by the end we were texting. That can sometimes make life a little more interesting. Oh well, it was something to occupy my time.

Prior to meeting this Brad guy I had decided that the online dating thing was starting to be unproductive. I had been meeting a lot of losers and was waiting for my subscription to end, but meanwhile I still was browsing in my free time. I liked to change up my profile and see which guys respond. It was becoming a scientific experiment of the social dating nature for me. I had decided that I needed to get more involved in the things that I like to do so I agreed to participate in a field studies course that was taking place in Yosemite. I was really excited because I hadn't been since I was younger and I was ready for some serious time with nature.

On Day 2 of chatting it up with Brad he was inquiring about my trip to Yosemite, when are you leaving? When will you be back? The trip was to take place in the upcoming weekend. You see he was beginning to strategize throwing the date option out there. Well there wasn't a chance that it would happen until the following week because of my work schedule and the trip, which didn't fly well with him. He was "persistent and impatient," my exact words in his irreverent attempts at pinning me down for a date and was not happy about having to wait. Really dude? You can't wait one week for a pretty, smart, and successful young lady? Well I guess if that was what he was really looking for then he probably could have, but I should have known then that his eye was on a different prize.

After I texted him about his impatience he called me immediately because he said he felt that clear communication was important (that's code for...I'm going to tell you everything to clear my conscious). He (for whatever reason) decided to tell me that he was "dating" other girls and that he had a second date lined up that he had planned before meeting me (mind you it had only been two days), but that he felt we had a connection. He seemed so anxious to meet me. Down boy! He said he wanted to be honest and let me know about the other girls. But my question is...did I need to know that? I personally don't think so. I was on that same dating site I told him and therefore I knew that he was probably dating around (duh). He mentioned that other girls he had gone out with had gotten upset when he didn't divulge the information. Well that's what he gets for dating dumb girls. I told him that I hadn't even met him yet and that I didn't care. I'm not vested why should I care? Why was he telling me this? Apparently his dating skills are mad rusty. What a freak? But the real freak is in the girl who continued to speak with him...yeah that would be me.

The week went on and we continued to text and chat on the phone. He seemed like a nice guy calling instead of avoiding talking and complimenting me incessantly. He was trying to sell himself by impressing me with pictures of his bayside apartment and his cute dog (he was of the smaller variety, you know what they say...). He kept mentioning, and I think he even labeled that picture from his balcony, "where we will have our first date." Did this guy really think that I would come to his house on our first date? I don't think so. He was so anxious to meet me it was a little much, but I went along with it. I actually have to admit that I slightly believed that he was cool. There's definitely something wrong with me.

I said goodbye before I headed off on my trip. It turns out that the blue skies above Half Dome quickly turned to grey and we got rained out, which caused the trip to be cut short. I ended up getting home early Sunday afternoon. I texted him when I got out of the valley and called him like I said that I would- we had plans to go out on Tuesday. When we made the plans he said that he was going to leave Tuesday wide open for me because of my tight schedule. He wasn't going to let anything get in the way of meeting me. Well when I called on Sunday it went to voicemail. I left a message and he texted me back saying he was really into the baseball game and that he would call me afterward. Ok cool. I immediately noticed a change in his behavior at that point. We ladies always know.

I knew that he had probably gone out with another girl over the weekend, since he had so kindly informed me of his prosperous dating situation. That was so kind and considerate of him to do. I was right. He called me back after the game and told me that he may have to cancel because he wanted to go to the playoff game. "You're going to ditch me for a baseball game?" Sorry boys, but that doesn't fly for me unless you're actually on the team and this shorty was in no way on that team. He quickly changed the subject and cut the conversation off, said he had to go, but mentioned that we would talk on Monday. WTF are you kidding me? After a quick internet search I realized that the games weren't until the end of the week, which meant that we would still be on, or so I thought. I spent the evening second guessing that gut feeling, which ended up being correct. My girlfriends told me that sports are sooooo important to men and blah, blah, blah. I knew deep down that he was full of it.

Turns out the next morning he sends me a text telling me that he wants to cancel our date because he's concerned about the distance. We live about 45 minutes away from each other (his initial calculation) which didn't seem to be a problem last week. I texted back telling him that I would like to speak with him. Funny how his desire to maintain communication seemed to dwindle at that point. He was long gone.

Finally he called me and admitted to me that he went out with one girl on a second date on Friday night and they really "clicked" and that an old friend from about 10 years past came over on Saturday night and although he didn't expect it they "clicked" too. The way he said it led me to believe that something happened so I asked him and he admitted they hooked up- gotcha sucker. What a fool. Who tells that to some girl they could potentially date and don't even really know? Needless to say I told him what I thought of him and his overly eager, impatient, unnecessarily informing ways. I don't have time for those types of games I informed him. When he commented on my use of explicit and colorful adjectives that I used to describe him, I responded by saying, "I'm just being honest..."

It's not his fault I'm a douchebag magnet.

Don't bite the hand that feeds you!

It's amazing how quickly things can happen. This one is interesting. After picking myself up from the last hit I got back on my feet and ran into someone who looked appealing. It turns out this guy is also an instructor at a college so I thought we'd have a lot in common. This situation just proves that there is no correlation between myself and this individual who seems to work in the same profession as I do.

This man I met teaches English and Business courses and our conversation was completely through email and primarily text. I was interested in finding out who he is. Typically when I meet somebody new I try to keep the conversation light. Nobody wants a deep discussion initially- or at least I don't think so. In his email he said that it was best to text him and sent me his phone number. I was apprehensive because I've had issues with giving out my number before (don't worry I'll share later). I had already done some internet research on this guy so I decided to go for it.

In the text messages (I wish I saved all of them), I asked him to tell me about himself. He said that he was born and raised locally and has spent most of his life here. I told him that my story is pretty similar and then reinitiated conversation by asking what he did for work (I already knew, but he didn't know that). He said that he teaches at a local college (I won't say which one) and I responded by telling him that I do too and that I found it interesting to meet him because that doesn't typically happen. He asked if I was adjunct faculty (part time), which I know that he is. I told him that I recently was awarded a full time tenure track position which I am excited to have received. I asked him if he liked teaching and he said that he liked working in the private sector because they get more done. Since I have worked in both the private and public sector I agreed with him and asked why he wasn't working in the private sector then. He told me that the company where he had worked doing advertising downsized because they didn't meet their 4th quarter estimated earnings and therefore he was let go.

All of sudden the textersation took a crazy turn. He told me that the academic sector was uneventful and incapable of any progression because of the administration and unions, etc. and that I was young and therefore I didn't see it yet. Excuse me? Did he just go on a rant about the system that employs him and did he just assume I was "young" because of my age (he was 41, big deal!). I responded that I don't believe myself to be "young" and that I have experience in the private, public, and academic sectors including working in male dominated industries. Are you ready for this? He responded by saying "Why are you telling me this? Are you trying to impress me? Do you think I care? Wow, I bet this guy is wondering why he doesn't get laid very often.

I told him that I just didn't think that he had enough information (just my age) about me to project assumptions that I'm ignorant as to what goes on around me in a professional sense. He continued to berate me and at one point I decided to tell him that I had to go. He texted me again multiple times and here's what went down:

Him: Why don't you try not to be so sensitive? Deal with it Instead you retreat. Me: I don't know you well enough to wish to take this any further. Him: Of course you don't. You can't even have a discussion without getting offended. I'm sure every guy you've ever dated did everything you said or agreed with you all the time. Me: Hahahahahhahahaha you're funny! Him: How very dull. Possibly accounts for your bad experiences on match. Then again maybe your male colleagues at deanza might be to your liking. That us if they happen to be straight if not married. Which is doubtful Me: Why are you trying to insult me? Him: Insult you? I'm just making a suggestion based in the info you gave me and your very defensive reaction to my questions. Me: Okay. Gotta go. Bye. Him: U see. I do listen and remember what you say and write. What planet is this dude from? Is this how men are supposed to speak to women they don't know? I thought they were supposed to sell themselves? Maybe that's why he lost his sales job. He doesn't seem to be very good at selling his most prized possession- himself. I didn't respond. Actually I'm a little afraid of the guy he seems like a freak. He actually emailed me later in the night: "Sorry you took offense at what I said, but I am a very direct person and I tend to speak my mind. And I've been both in industry and higher education for some considerable time. Aside from that, I am rather tired too from teaching this evening. So, that's my piece if you care to hear it or not. Salute" Whatev's dude. You're a nutcase and should probably be a little more appreciative of the job you have.

Man-tasy

My friend (we'll call her Taylor) and I had a great day today. Lately, since I've cancelled my online dating membership, I've been focusing more on hanging out with my girlfriends doing things that we enjoy. We decided to go for a road trip and we drove up North to go hiking in an area that we don't regularly visit. Then we hit up a nice restaurant nearby for some lunch and drinks. It was a great date. Much better than the ones I've been having with the inappropriate mans.

As you know spending time in the car, on the trail, and enjoying lunch and drinks allows for a lot of discussion, especially when women are involved. Taylor and I were discussing how the online dating thing doesn't work because there's no exchange of pheromones on the Internet or during phone calls that would allow you to know whether or not you're really attracted to the other individual. This seems to be validated by the amount of times that I have emailed and spoken to men and then been let down when I finally met them. As the discussion continued we realized that sometimes there's something beneficial about loosely knowing men, which led us to the term...mantasy.

A mantasy (we decided) is a man-fantasy that is created within you based on your very minimal association with the man who is the focus of the fantasy. This happens a lot in movies, break to montage man taking his shirt off to reveal extremely ripped abdominals, break back to reality girl doing something ridiculous making herself look silly. But we also believe that it happens frequently in true life as well. For instance I believe that it has happened a lot in my experiences with online dating. I'm admitting it. I have met guys online and then spoken to them on the phone had mantasies about who I may think they are or who I wish them to be. A lot of the mantasization is based on the little information I have about them: photos I've seen, things they've claimed they are or claimed they've done, etc. I begin to mantasize about who they may be based on the small amount of data I have collected (I don’t go overboard and expect the super ripped abs, but I do hope that they will not have a beer belly and receding hairline). Then if, and when I meet them it's a let down because they don't meet the mantasy expectations (receding hairline and beer belly).

We decided that because of this there are some mantasies that just need to be kept at that. Men who you may meet or see on a regular basis that you should just keep the relationship or associations with that particular person to a minimum. That way there is no lack of fulfillment of the mantasy and if you’re involved in a serious, committed relationship it’s okay, you’ve done nothing wrong. We all should be able to at least think that it exists somewhere. How else are we supposed to remain hopeful?

Dr. Dave

Here's another online dating experience. Dr. Dave and I started chatting after he had "favorited" me. I hadn't really connected with any of those who had done that before because...well let's just say that the feeling wasn't mutual. This one looked sufficient.

At the time I had changed my profile slightly because I was coming off an interesting experience (as I always do) with a previous date. Don't worry I'll divulge that information another time. My profile was basically a numbered list of things I was looking for (this is from memory so it's not exact and my actual posting was more diplomatic):

1. Must be funny. Not just think you are funny, but actually funny.

2. Must be capable of deep thoughts.

3. Must be loyal.

4. Must be capable of follow through. Don't just talk about doing something, actually do it.

5. Must be respectful.

6. No games. If you want to call the day after a date then do it. That three-day rule thing is so lame.

7. Must be fun.

8. Must be well rounded. I'm not interested in being your extreme sports partner and I'm not going to fake it just to land you. However, I won't expect you to participate in my girly activities either. Some things were not meant for us to do together.

Dr. Dave submitted his application and completed the initial review process. We continued to chat through email and then exchanged phone numbers. He called pretty quickly and we had some great conversation. He was an emergency room doctor and had gone to Stanford- impressive. We made a date to meet at a local restaurant in the bar area and it seemed like things were good.

I was nervous (as I always am) about getting myself looking good for the date. It was a day where I had been out doing my trashy job (consulting for the trash and recycling hauler) out in Livermore and it had topped out at 104 while I was running around outside. I floored it back to town and jumped in the shower to rinse off. I was in no way feeling sexy at all. I couldn't figure out what to wear since it was so hot and for some reason nothing looked right (probably because I was swollen and bloated from the heat). I threw on an outfit: I thought I looked good.

When I arrived at the bar I looked around and noticed him immediately. Not because he looked like his picture but because you just know. Kind of like you just know when they're lying to you...yeah that's the same feeling. I joke now that I should have walked towards the exit door since there were two entrances, but I didn't. I veered over to the bar where he was sitting. Yes, he was sitting at the bar. Now this poses a problem when trying to converse with somebody because you are not facing them and instead you are facing the flat screens on the wall and the bartender. This also poses a problem for me because I don't like strangers in my personal space and you clearly need an invitation to be gain access to that party. However, it was perfect for him to use his high school methodology of physical advancement by brushing up against me when he so desired.

He already had a drink in front of him and so I ordered a mojito- yummy. The thing is huge and I don't drink that much so I think "this better go well." We begin chatting and I knew that I wasn’t the best conversationalist because I just spent the better part of my day melting away and trying to explain recycling in Spanish to an entire apartment complex, which by the way is not why I got my Master's degree. So needless to say I wasn't happy about getting underpaid to do something that I had done prior to my extreme education. Clearly I was overqualified for my job. I'm sure I vented a little.

I knew when I first saw Dave that I wasn't attracted to him (that's not really the phrase to start off a successful long term relationship) that's why I should have headed for the door. So when he was trying to brush up against me in the overheated room I was really turned off by his attempts. We made lame conversation about the baseball game, chatted with the bartender, and talked about my opinions on plastic surgery. He had his iPhone on the bar and so I was able to see his wallpaper at one point. Interestingly he had an x-ray of a skull that had a car key ring jammed into the nose area as the wallpaper. Personally I found it repulsive and part of me wondered if that was even legal, since clearly it was somebody's real x-ray. He was proud of it and told me that it was a child and commented that was a visual representation of why you shouldn't hold your keys in front of your face while in the car. Okay, I don't have any children yet, but in no way do I find that cool at all. In my mind that poor child was playing with somebody's keys as entertainment prior to an accident and then the keys got jammed into his/her skull and this guy thinks it's cool to have it on his phone- really? Not to mention...how sexy?

He ordered himself another margarita (question his sexuality at this point) and asked to see the menu. He selected something off the menu without asking me my preference and then told the bartender that we would like the hhhhhhhhhhhuuuuuuummmmmmmuuuuuuussssss. Yes, like that. With that scratchy kkhkhkhkhkhkkhkhkhkhkkhkhk in the word. Now I met some people from Israel who say it that way, but this guy was from New Mexico. Can't we say it like most people in the US would? Humus. By the way, that's not what I would have ordered because everybody knows that the goat cheese quesadilla is the best app on the menu. Clearly this man was not for me.

After wolfing down humus and chips and getting a glass of water to try to not let the mojito impact me too much, Dr. Dave suddenly informs me that he's ready to go. No transition. No asking me if I'm ready to head out (which by the way would be the second time he's made a decision without checking with me). Extremely abrupt. He asked me if I wanted him to walk me to my car...interesting since I hadn't at any point suggested that I was ready to leave. Honestly I didn't really feel like I was okay to drive so I felt I needed to wait a little while. I told him that I was going to stay at the bar for a while and he jumped up and took off from the restaurant. What? I'm so confused.

Well clearly his number was deleted from my phone as soon as I got home. There's no reason to unnecessarily take up my phone memory with his information.

Interestingly a few weeks later I was back at the same restaurant (which I do not frequent regularly) I receive a text from an unknown number. It said something along the line of "Hey that bar where we met is open to the public tonight for the game. I'll be there and you should come by." My friend and I were doing our best to try to figure out who it was. I was trying to remember what I had been doing and whom I had met lately and I could not align the comments with any of my memories. I even checked my planner to refresh my memory. I texted back that I thought the person had the wrong number. He responded that he knew it was me and identified me by name. What? I was so confused. Then he reiterated the situation of supposedly meeting me at a bar and mentioned his name was Dr. Dave. Ahhhhhhhh....... I told him that I did not meet him under those circumstances and that instead we met online and had a date during which he abruptly got up and decided it was over for the evening. He immediately texted back and apologized. To that I responded "for being so rude on our date or for confusing me with another girl." I haven't heard from him since. I wonder why?